Saturday, November 01, 2014

Of Nightmare and Stare

Last night I was reading Reader's Digest on bed, and I didn't even realise when did I fell asleep. I had a weird dream. I didnt quite remember most of it, but what I do remember is that I looked into a mirror, to see myself smiling - but there's only my face appeared on the mirror! I had no body! The more I looked into the mirror, the more I see my face smiling. The bodyless me. I remember reciting a few Quranic words (in my dream?) to wake myself from the bad dream. And suddenly I woke up. 

Phew. I still felt my heart pounding when I opened my eyes. It was almost 3 am. I quickly went to the toilet, brushed my teeth and washed my feet. I looked into the mirror to double check - yes I still have my body. Thank you God. I went to bed, reciting few surahs. I slept soundly till morning.  

Maybe I read too much of news on the internet, and let them get into my head. It's a scary world nowadays. With IS beheadings, Al-Aqsa crisis, hurricane in Kedah, murders, harrassments, rape cases, and the list goes on and on...Speaking of the world, have you watched this viral video on a woman walking down New York City? Its here:

I have this crazy idea at the back of my mind - to travel to NYC by myself. Maybe I should rethink that. If that's how the street looks like, and how the people are like, even I dont feel safe walking alone.

I once asked a friend of mine, how does it feel like not to wear headscarf in public? She said that it's no fun, you will get stares and unwanted attention from the guys. You will feel conscious about how people look at you. She'd rather wear a headscarf than going free-hair.

Speaking of guys, I had quite a similar problem to my friend there. No no I wasnt talking about taking off my headscarf in public that kind of thing. This is different. I went into an office at the hospital (this happened when I was in Manchester) to look for a guy that I have a meeting with. I went inside with an aunty (a female officer I just met outside the office), and the office had like 5 or 6 guys, doing their work on the computers. The lady helped me ask one of the guys about the guy that I was looking for. And the guy said, he's not there. He didnt know where he was.

And among them all, there's this one guy, I can feel him staring at me! Like from the moment I walked into the office, until when I said thank you and goodbye. Even when I glanced at him once - he didnt look away! I was like, what is wrong with this guy? What does he want? Does he know me? That was weird. I felt weird. Why did he do that? Guys. I can never understand them.

That was one of several weird moments that I had during my travel. You haven't heard the worst story yet. Hahhaha 

Okay enough story for now. I kinda have to go study for a bit. For my next Psychiatry posting. I'll end this by a very sweet paragraph from Bob Marley that I read from Facebook:

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.
― Bob Marley

Have a good day, you! :D

Friday, October 31, 2014

Getting Older

My Mom had been talking about how we (my sister and I) should start looking for potential husband and get married. We are not getting any younger, my eldest sister will be 26 next year, and I'll be 25. My Mom had been asking me whether I know any Syed in my college, seniors or any friends. I told her many times before but she kept askingg. Even if I know one, I am not gonna tell her LOL

I don't mind marrying a non-Syed. As long as he's a good Muslim, I am fine with it. If some day I found a guy that I really really like, I will marry him no matter what his name is! Oh yeah wish me luck with that.

The topic came up a few times before, and my Mom gave hints as if telling me to talk to my sister to find a husband quick, and that I should do the same too. The problem is :

I don't really know how to 'find a husband'!

And I haven't found one that I like so far. Well, I like someone before, but I don't think my parents will approve of him, he is not very religious. Plus, he lives so far awayy. He has a girlfriend now so yeahh he's off-limits. And after him, I kinda like this one guy - but I don't think he's ready to settle down. He travels around the world and he has problems of his own. So there you go, two guys in my life that I can't really have. Pretty sad, huh?

I don't wanna settle down with just any guy - just because I am getting old so I have to get married. I have this silly thought that I cant get out of my head - the idea of a happily married life, with someone that I love, growing old together and have kids and...and I have noo idea why I am writing about this.

So, the conclusion is...wait, what the conclusion is?

Why can't I just wait here until my prince comes and marries me! What took him so long? I am here, come on alreadyy!

That sounds ridiculously....ridiculous, Nurul Ain. How do you expect to get a guy when you are not seriously looking for one, huh?

Noo I dont wanna 'seriously looking for one'!!

Yeah whatever. Then you can wait until you are 40 years old, and watch alll of your friends getting married and have kids.


Start what? LOL

Off to bed now. Goodnight people!

Oh yeah. And goodnight to you too, my prince - wherever you are. I'll be here waiting, don't lose your way okay.

Pfft. Such a dreamer.