Monday, December 07, 2009

oh friend!!!

Setting: IIUM PJ, Library

Time: 11.15am

As I rarely touch a religious non-fiction book before, personally I felt weird holding a book entitled ‘Islamic Manners’ by S.M.Madni Abbas. Just because I’m a born-Muslim does not mean that the Islamic knowledge comes naturally, I noted that to myself. I have to earn it myself, either by looking, listening or reading. So I leafed through the contents and moved to page 142, Chapter 18: The Etiquettes of Friendship.

Now it was getting weirder(such word exist?) as I was reading on how to be a good friend! Am I not good enough? As I could not answer it myself, so I began to read.

“Friendship is a test. When a person moves in the circle of his friend, very often he comes across difficult and unpleasant situations: sometimes his sentiments are hurt: at other times his dignity is damaged: at times his rest is disturbed and his routine is affected: or he has to face things which are contrary to his desires and inclinations: and still at other times his patience and forbearance is put on trial or he has to suffer financial loss. In short, he suffers a number of difficulties and torments. But when such a person puts up with these ordeals, his heart is galvanised, noble sentiments are generated and he passes through a process of self-purification and spiritual development and attains greater spiritual and moral heights”.

The unease feeling was replaced with clarity as I acknowledged the truth behind those sentences. Fair to say, I do feel disturbed by the fact that sometimes I felt annoyed with my friends’ actions and words. And as always, I had to keep the anger buried. It was tiring. Really.

There were moments when I had to exercise ‘extra-patience’ when dealing with them. Maybe due to different upbringing and background, we always differ in opinions. Most of them do not know that I have two ‘personal rules’ that I hate to impose cuz if I do tell them, they’ll be very cautious and feel restricted to be with me. So as always, I hid them from public knowledge. Now that we are talking about this matter, I’ll let you know:


1. DO not mess with ANY of my personal belongings.

2. Do not take MY things without MY permission.

As simple as the rules might be, I just cannot help myself when it comes to MY THINGS. Backbiting I can tolerate, Sharing I can do, Bad jokes I can hear, Criticism I can bear, Low morale I can stand but MY PERSONAL BELONGINGS dont make into the lists. Now you have to bear with me.

Back to the book, I continue to read the lines and met these sentences:

Confession of love to the friend. If one loves a friend for the sake of Allah, he should tell him so. The Holy Prophet SAW said, “When a person harbours sentiments of love and affection for his brother, he should express them before him, and tell him that he loves him” (Abu Dand)

Now this part is kinda tough. Well, it might seem a little awkward to tell my girlfriend, “Hey, I love you for the sake of Allah.” Not to mention the ‘reaction feedbacks’ and ‘hilarious comments’ I will receive afterwards. I just dont have the courage to do so. Yet.

I am pretty sure that most of us have heard about this comparison:

“The examples of good and bad friends are like those of a musk-seller and blacksmith. From the musk-seller you are bound to gain something. Either you’ll buy his musk or enjoys its good smell. But the foundry of the blacksmith would only burn your house or clothes or its unpleasant fume will harm your brain". (Bukhari; Muslim)

“Each of you is like a mirror for his brother. If he sees something ill in his brother, he should try to dispel it” (Tirmizi)

Now there’s another problem. I see lots of ill-manners but I am not guided by Allah to point out the flaws openly. The dire consequences of my act (if I correct them) scared the h**l out of me. Come to think of it, will my good friend still be a good friend of mine if I ask her to stop doing the action that is against the Islamic teachings in which she practically sees NO harm in doing so? So I surrender.

Just in case that this post might disturb your thoughts, I seek for forgiveness. The Holy Prophet SAW has said, “A Muslim who refuses to accept pardon from his brother, is equal in sin like collector of illegal taxes.” So you have no other choice but to forgive me. But if you dont mind being an illegal tax collector, then do ignore my pardon. :D

I might not being a good friend, but consider yourself lucky to have a friend who is well-aware of the etiquettes of friendship.... that is ME. Duh.

Count me out, do YOU appoint yourself as a GOOD friend? You too have rules of your own? Care to share?? :D

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