Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Emotional




1) This morning I went to see my patient in ICU on second Floor, Teratai 2B.

She was formerly admitted to Medical Ward 7B due to CAP. This was her second admission to the Ward after being recently discharged few weeks ago. She is the AIHA patient that I mentioned before, the one I was thinking to be my Case Write Up. 

I got the news of her being transferred to ICU from her sister yesterday night. 

The first thing I was thinking before I enter the ICU: Am I allowed to go inside without supervision?

Heck, the worst thing that could happen is that I'll be scolded in front of everyone. And if that happens, I'll just get out of there quickly.

So I got in, putting my best professional look on.

When I couldn't seem to find my patient, I asked the Staff Nurse around.

'Oh, patient tu kat Bed 6, Doctor. Kat hujung skali tu, belah kanan'.

I thanked her, smiling. Professional, professional, I reminded myself.

And during that time, a specialist was doing his round, with H.Os and M.Os following him from bed to bed. 

When I walked past them, I could hear one of them whispering, 'Eh siapa tu?'

You don't know me? Good good. Let's keep it that way, shall we? ;)

It was heartbreaking to see my patient in the room with ventilator support and the white 'float thing' put on her whole body. I have no idea what is that or why it's there.

I read her case file but I couldn't be able to understand half of what's written there, though. I've been thinking of asking the Staff Nurse nearby, but then it would be known to her that I am not a doctor. 

So I keep on reading. I got to know that she was unresponsive to treatment given, underwent hemodialysis twice and the implication written was urosepsis. She had DM as well, and I could see from the ABG results, they are not looking good.

I looked at my patient from outside the room. It was just yesterday morning in 7B that I asked her how she felt. I remembered her telling me she felt uncomfortable, she had a high fever. I pulled the blanket over her.



When I was driving home, I got a text message from her sister, 'Akak baru je meninggal'

She told me her sister was pronounced dead at about 9.30am.

I was speechless.


2) Compared to CCU (Cardiac Care Unit), you don't have to wear special shoes to go inside ICU. You just have to take off your white coat.

I wonder what is it like in HDW. I'd like to go in there someday.


3) On a different topic, normally we will choose a patient for our Short Case session and decide on what system we would like to examine, with one of us is assigned to examine the patient. However, with Dr.Kuan and Dr.Harris, it's totally different. 

Dr.Kuan picked an assigned student while Dr.Harris selected a random student to examine a random patient. 

And at both times, I was the one who performed the examination: Abdomen and Respiratory (from the back). Yeah yeah, you probably say, that's the easiest examinations, you can ace that!

'If you examine patient like that, you will sure to fail in exam'

'From the way you examine, it's obvious you never examine patient from the back before. Is it?'

'Your examination technique was bad!'

And twice I got the same last comment from our lecturers.

You see, I am just bad at doing PE, and I hate myself for that.



That's more the reason to keep practicing, right? 

Yeah I know. I did practise on patients. I examine them.

Maybe I didn't examine enough patients. Maybe I didn't practise properly, not following the flow of examination.

But in the end, I couldn't seem to get it right though.


Maybe I am not cut out to be a doctor?



Okay, positive thoughts. Positive thoughts.

I can do this. 


Maybe.


Argh. I hate it when I am being like this.


4) In the process of editing my Case Write Up on Parkinson's. Our Mentor's been a great help to me us, I am very thankful for that.


5) My 12-year-old sister just loves watching this Malay drama on TV3, Mimpi Cinderella. I'd say it's a huge waste of time, she should spend the night reading or do something educational. Better yet, just go to sleep!

It's not that I'm allergic to these kind of stuffs, but I try my best to stay away as far as possible.


You see, I am easily affected.

4 comments:

  1. Relax Nour el ain (eh, tetiba pulak guna nama ni), there's a solid reason on why you're destined to do medicine.

    Have you watched jewel in the palace? It's an old (around 2003) Korean drama about a palace chef turned physician. It's a true story, actually. And if you haven't watched it, well, you should! Because I find it inspiring, especially for doctors-to-be.

    So, cheer up my dear! I'm sure you'll turn out great in the future.

    Just walk straight towards the goal,focus on it and don't take too much notice of the 'distractions' on your left and right that wanted to steer you away from the straight path that you're charting on right now. All the best! :D

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  2. Thanks Sarah E.Beth Darcy ;)

    I've heard about the drama, but haven't watch it yet.

    I owe you much for all your inspiring words and motivations.

    How can I ever repay you!! :)

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  3. Salam. I'm just dropping by to tell you that, whenever you are thinking "Maybe I am not cut out to be a doctor?", you are not alone.

    We're all struggling. Some people are just better at hiding it. But we'll all become doctors together, insyaAllah.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wsalam Luqman.

    It's nice of you to say that, appreciate it very much.

    Insya allah. Amin.

    ps. You are definitely not alone. You have Julia XP

    ReplyDelete